Death by
by AA Addict
Summary: The AA characters all die by something that you would never die of in the real world. Something funny. This is just a series of one shots, so it doesn't take place in any specific time zone. Read and review please, if you don't mind! If you want another character put in there just tell me in your review! Thanks! Also, Supersexyghotmew95 helped me with this series, so thank you!
1. Phoenix

"Hey Nick?" Maya asked Phoenix. The medium grabbed his arm and pulled him off the sofa. The attorney woke with a start.

"Huh what? Yay, I won the trial. Did I pay the cab driver? Nah, I can't have, because now I'm tired. I must have got a drivers license." Phoenix groaned, and went back to sleep. Maya face palmed.

"NICK!" Maya yelled, right into the unfortunate man's ear.

"What? Are you okay? Where's Pearls?" Phoenix asked, startled. Maya laughed.

"Pearly's upstairs drawing. Yes, I'm okay. You fell asleep, and I'm waking you up because you promised to take Pearly and me shopping!" Maya explained, a mischievous glint playing in her chocolate brown eyes. Phoenix rubbed his eyes wearily.

"Do I HAVE to take you shopping? It's so boring, and I'm tired! Shopping is more boring than listening to Wendy Oldbag for a day!" Phoenix whined. Suddenly footsteps came crashing down the stairs.

"Hi Pearls." Phoenix greeted happily.

"Hi Mr. Nick! Are we going shopping now? Yay!" Pearl cheered, and opened the door. She ran outside, just in her acolyte robes. The prodigy came back into the offices, teeth chattering. Phoenix and Maya smiled. _I can't refuse shopping now. Pearls has just gone outside without a coat, which shows that she's really looking forward to this._

"Hey, it might help if you had this on." Maya suggested, and put the furry coat on Pearl. It was artificial fur, as Pearl hated wearing real fur, as it was cruelty to animals for her. Phoenix and Maya had agreed strongly, so they bought artificial fur. It was actually furrier than real fur!

The trio exited the office/house wrapped up in (artificial) fur coats. They didn't take a cab because the girls wanted to walk in the snow, and secretly, so did Phoenix. They were walking when suddenly a snowball hit Maya. She turned around and saw some teenage boys laughing, and the boys went around the corner.

"My clothes! Dammit, I'm freezing now! Ah, I'll live." Maya said. Phoenix decided to change the subject, before Pearl scolded him for not executing vendetta on the boys.

"So, I take it you girls want to go clothes shopping? That's what most girls want now. I remember having to be paired up with a girl in fourth grade at a field trip shopping mall. We couldn't choose our pairs. I just let people walk over me back then, and that time was no exception. We had to shop for clothes for the whole day! Anyway, so it's clothes shopping?" Phoenix asked, hoping for a no. His wish was granted. The spirit mediums were horrified.

"What was this girl smoking? Clothes shopping is horrible! Clothes shopping and Maya do NOT go together!" Maya objected strongly.

"I hate clothes shopping! Mother took me all the time! I had to always change out of my acolyte robes into something new and strange! Mother always picked ones that were too small, and she shouted at me when I complained that they were too tight! It wasn't fair. Mystic Maya made me some clothes, but Mystic Maya told me to only wear them when we're at home and not going anywhere, because she said they were rubbish. But they're wonderful! They are just the right size!" Pearl said.

" I assume that's why I only see you two in your acolyte clothes or pyjamas. No clothes shopping then?" Phoenix asked.

"NO!" The Feys responded. Phoenix punched the air in delight. He felt so happy that he decided to close his eyes and walk to the mall. It was only a little way away, after all. In fact, it was so close that Phoenix crashed into the mall! Maya and Pearl were beside themselves with laughter! They were starting to attract a lot of attention by then, so Phoenix quickly brushed himself off and hurriedly went into the mall with the laughing mediums in tow.

The mall was very elegant, chandeliers hanging from the ceiling, shops wherever you cast your gaze. Phoenix hoped they'd get to go shopping for…

"Video games!" Maya said. She ran ahead and stopped in front of Game.

"Alright, in we go!" Phoenix said enthusiastically. Maya and Pearl ran off in delight. Phoenix looked around for the game he wanted to buy. The games were stored in alphabetical order. Let's see, M, N, O, P! Po, Pr! Found it! Professor Layton!

"I'll have good fun playing this, it's a detective game. I love murder mystery. Maybe that's why I keep getting landed with murder cases?" Phoenix pondered, and picked up the game. It was £4.99. Not that expensive. Suddenly Maya came up to Phoenix and waved a game in front of his face.

"Maya, what's so special about this-" Phoenix broke off, and stared at the game.

"Who decided to make a game about me?" Phoenix asked. It should be noted he said this quite loudly, loud enough for everyone in the shop to stare at him. One girl had a look of delight on her face.

"You're Phoenix Wright, Ace Attorney! I've played all of the games in your series! You're Maya Fey! I love the way you're just your own person! Oh, it's Pearl! You're so sweet, and you're funny, slapping Phoenix all the time!" The fangirl squealed in awe.

"Yeah…okay. Well, if you like our game so much, could you please not publicize the fact that we're here? We like to maintain a low profile." Phoenix pleaded. The girl agreed, and went away, but not before giving Phoenix a black fedora and shades. She gave Maya a black cloak and a black hat, and Pearl a black cloak and black hat.

"So that no one will notice you. Your hair is the most prominent thing, and your acolyte robes. Bye then, you can keep the cover items." The girl went.

"So this is why I was being filmed in court." Phoenix mused. Maya and Pearl dropped a whole load of games into Phoenix's hands, including the Phoenix Wright trilogy. There were too many to fit in Phoenix's hands, so she dumped the rest into the bag.

"I have to pay for all these?" Phoenix moaned.

"Uh huh!" Pearl said. The trio made their way to the counter, where a bored shopkeeper was standing. She raised an eyebrow when she saw the amount of games in the Ace Attorney's hands and in the bag.

"That will be 150 dollars." She drawled. Phoenix blanked.

"150 dollars! Are you sure?" He yelled worriedly. The shopkeeper nodded.

"As sure as sure as I am that my name is Shannon Marks." Shannon replied. Phoenix turned to Maya and Pearl, who had a pleading look plastered on their faces. Phoenix succumbed, and paid the shopkeeper.

"Thank you, and come again." Shannon thanked, and handed Phoenix the games.

"Now it's burger time!" Maya said, and Pearl cheered. Phoenix looked in his wallet. Not a single cent, let alone a dollar was in his wallet. Phoenix became very silent.

"What's up Nick?" Maya asked.

"Empty wallet. No burgers. Sorry." Phoenix answered, and fell to the floor. He didn't move. Luckily there was a police officer nearby. Pearl went to fetch him.

"Mr. Officer! Mr. Nick fell and he's not moving!" Pearl called. The officer came right away. He checked Phoenix's pulse, and called the forensics team.

"I'm sorry, but your friend is dead. Nick, is it?" The officer asked solemnly.

"Phoenix Wright is his actual name." Maya said tearfully. The forensics team arrived and inspected Phoenix. They looked pretty puzzled.

"This is the first ever case of brokerphenia." The head forensic scientist said.

"What's that?" Pearl asked sadly.

"Death by an empty wallet."

**A/N- The first chapter! Remember, this is a series of one shots that are in no way related to the chapter before. So don't be alarmed if Phoenix comes back to life in the next chapter! Reviews please!**


	2. Maya

Phoenix and Maya had just paid a visit to a restaurant that goes by the name of Tres Bien. Let me tell you now, don't ever go there if you want good food. Phoenix and Maya had tasted the food before, but they wanted to see if it had improved. Unfortunately, it hadn't.

"Nick, why did you drag me off to that dastardly place?" May asked Phoenix crossly. Phoenix had an indignant look on his face. He drew in a deep breath, and pointed his finger at Maya.

"OBJECTION! I didn't drag you here, you dragged me here! Why would I want to spend twenty pounds on a lobster dish that tastes like mouldy cheese and smells like socks?" Phoenix said defensively. Maya put her hands up in defeat.

"Okay, okay. I dragged you here to this, this, restaurant that serves disgusting food so that I could build up an appetite for burgers!" Maya confessed, a sheepish grin plastered on her not-so-innocent face. Phoenix wore a confused expression.

"I give up trying to understand you. Alright, we'll go to that god forsaken burger joint." Phoenix agreed in defeat, and Maya cheered. She skipped for a bit, but then complained that she was too hot. So the pair had to take a detour to People Park, where there was a massive water fountain.

"We should've brought Pearls, she would've loved this." Phoenix thought.

"Yeah, she ***gulp*** would've! Pearly ***gulp***loves water ***gulp*** fountains! She ***gulp*** always puts her ***gulp*** hands in the water and ***gulp*** gets herself ***gulp*** very wet!" Maya agreed, in between gulps. She finally came away from the fountain and wiped her lips. The people behind her cheered, for Maya had been drinking at the water fountain for about ten minutes! Phoenix wondered why she didn't need the-

"Toilet. I need the toilet. Get out of my way Nick, before I wet myself!" Maya urged, and ran off in the direction of the toilets. In fact, she was in such a hurry that she didn't see the labels on the toilets. Phoenix looked on, barely containing his laughter as the spirit medium ran into the blue door. He wondered if he should tell her that she was in the men's toilets. Phoenix weighed up the pros and cons of not telling her. Pros, it would be Maya's turn to feel embarrassed in public. Another pro, that it would teach her to hog the water fountain. Yet another pro, he would have a whole load of fun. Con, Pearls would slap him. Eventually, Phoenix decided that the pros outweighed the cons, and he waited. After ten minutes Maya finally came out, very red in the face. Phoenix acted normally, when in actual fact, his insides were splitting.

"Nick, I just went into the MEN'S TOILETS. The MEN'S TOILETS. Why didn't you tell me? You're a boy." Maya asked crossly.

"Because, it was your turn to be embarrassed in public. Remember that time when I went out of the shop with a massive bag of games? And you knew that I hadn't paid, yet you didn't tell me? And that the electronic checker thingy beeped, and everyone stared at me? And that I was taken into the security room, with everyone looking?" Phoenix reminded her. He still looked miffed, even though that happened two years ago.

"Still!" Maya whined. The duo were starting to attract a lot of attention.

"Still nothing!" Phoenix retorted. The pair continued to bicker, and a crowd was forming around them.

"Fight fight fight!" The crowd cheered.

"Well, I just wanted to see if you were smart enough to remember to pay!"

"I wanted to see if you had the sense to look at the doors before entering!"

A man walked out of the crowd and tapped Phoenix on the shoulder.

"Would you like these divorce papers?" The man asked, handing Phoenix them. He looked at them in disgust.

"Maya and I aren't married. We're not dating. We're not in love. We're just best friends!" Phoenix explained, and handed the papers back. The man looked startled, and forced them back into Phoenix's hands.

"Well, you might want to divorce her if you marry her." He said desperately. Phoenix and Maya looked at each other, and laughed.

"We can't do that. Ever! Pearly would skin us alive!" Maya laughed. Phoenix and Maya walked away from the crowd, best of friends once more. They walked for five more minutes, and then saw the burger joint. Maya cheered and rushed inside. Phoenix couldn't be bothered running, so he walked. It took considerably longer than running. When Phoenix did get inside, Maya was still ordering the food.

"…A double cheeseburger with extra sauce, a triple hamburger with extra meat slices and condiments, a double beefburger with extra sides, another double cheeseburger, another triple hamburger, another double beefburger, a normal cheeseburger, and multiply everything that I have said by ten." Maya ordered, a hungry look on her face.

"That is a very good order. Do you like our joint then?" The server asked, whilst calculating the bill.

"You bet! We come here whenever we get the chance!" Maya answered.

"We? Who's your friend?" The server asked,

"I'll call him over. Nick! NICK! _NICK!_" Maya shouted. Phoenix slowly walked over, thinking about how big the bill was going to be.

"This is my best friend Phoenix Wright." Maya introduced. Phoenix waved. Suddenly a look of recognition spread over the server's spotty face.

"You're that lawyer dude who defended my friend, Larry Butz!" He said. Phoenix was startled.

"You know Larry too? Small world." Phoenix said. The server smiled.

"Hey, I'm Matthew. Just for defending Larry, I'll give you a discount. You'll need it, judging by her order." Matthew said, chuckling. Phoenix looked at Maya suspiciously, and she grinned sheepishly back at him. Matthew guided Phoenix and Maya to the best table, and sauntered back to the counter. Their food arrived ten minutes later. The waitress had to make three trips to give the pair their food. When all the food had arrived Maya clapped her hands together in delight.

"Woohoo! This one's yours Nick!" Maya cheered, and gave Phoenix one cheeseburger. Phoenix looked at his portion of food, and then at Maya's portion of food. She had loads! Phoenix took a bite out of his cheeseburger, and looked at Maya. She had already scoffed down two burgers! Phoenix looked alarmed.

"What?"

"You're going to explode, that's what." Phoenix said jokingly. Maya paid no heed to his words and continued eating. After her last burger (a triple hamburger with extra meat slices and condiments) Maya became very quiet.

"What's up?" Phoenix asked, concerned.

"You know I said there was no such thing as too many burgers? Well, I take it back." Maya groaned, and fell onto the floor.

"Maya? MAYA!" Phoenix cried, and checked her pulse. There was none. Phoenix cried and phoned 911. The doctors came straight away, as did the forensics team.

"Jeez, I'm sorry dude. It must be hard. Larry did like Maya." Matthew apologized solemnly, and put a hand on Phoenix's shoulder. A member of the forensics team strode up to Phoenix.

"I am afraid to say Maya Fey is dead. She died of burgrease." The forensic scientist said. A look of confusion was evident on Phoenix and Matthew's faces.

"Death by too many burgers, and too much grease."

**A/N- I guess you could class this death as a heart attack, but they're not meant to be realistic, so meh. R&R please! Oh, and a disclaimer. I DO NOT OWN PHOENIX WRIGHT, SO THAT INCLUDES ALL THE CHARACTERS AND TRES BIEN SO FAR. I DO NOT OWN GAME OR PROFESSOR LAYTON. BUT I DO OWN SHANNON MARKS AND MATTHEW. Done and done! And I mean done! **


	3. Judge

"Order in the court! Order in the court!" The Judge bellowed, and banged his gavel furiously. The court became silent, so silent you could hear a pin drop. Which the court actually heard. A soft *ping* echoed through the silent courtroom. Maya bent down, her face beet red and a sheepish grin plastered on her face.

"Whoopsie doodle!" Maya giggled, and reattached her pin into her hair. Phoenix face palmed.

"Anyway, would the prosecution like to make their opening statement?" The Judge asked. Franziska smiled, and leant onto the bench.

"The defendant, Rena Hayashi, is being accused of the murder of Sasha Hybrid. The victim was killed with a pistol at Expose Park. There is no way to get out of this one Phoenix Wright. The evidence is irrefutable." Franziska explained. Phoenix face palmed himself again.

"Would the first witness please take the stand?" The Judge asked, and Detective Gumshoe strolled in.

"Name and occupation." Franziska asked firmly. Gumshoe was very excited about this case. Anybody could tell that just by looking at his face. It looked like Gumshoe had just won the lottery.

"Name? Homicide detective sir! Occupation? Detective Gumshoe! Oh no! Name? Detective Gumshoe! Occupation! Homicide Detective who now needs a drink of water!" Gumshoe said energetically. Franziska did not let the slip up go without punishment. The perfectionist unleashed her whip onto the poor detective, no mercy shown.

"State your testimony, witness!" The Judge bellowed.

"Okey dokey." Gumshoe agreed.

_The victim was called Sasha Hybrid._

_The defendant's name is Rena Hayashi._

_The victim was shot with a 5mm pistol at Expose Park._

_No fingerprints were found, as the defendant was wearing gloves at the time of the murder._

_We found the defendant with the gun in her hand._

"You may begin your cross-examination now, Mr. Wright." The Judge said. Phoenix nodded, and began ripping Gumshoe's testimony to shreds.

_The victim was called Sasha Hybrid._

_The defendant's name is Rena Hayashi._

_The victim was shot with a 5mm pistol at Expose Park._

Phoenix drew in a deep breath.

"OBJECTION!" Phoenix yelled, and the whole court covered their ears. It was Phoenix's turn to grin sheepishly, whilst he presented the pistol. _Apollo's Chords of Steel training has evidently rubbed off onto me._

"This is the murder weapon." Phoenix stated.

"The whole court already knows that pal." Gumshoe said, and scratched his head. Phoenix flashed a winning smile. Everyone in the courtroom wore the same expression as Gumshoe; confused.

"This pistol is not a 5mm one. In fact, it's a 9mm pistol!" Phoenix revealed. The courtroom went into an uproar.

"Order! Order! Order!" The Judge commanded.

"Mr. Wright, thank you for that information. Witness, you may leave the stand." The Judge said, evidently surprised at the fact that the detective had made such an obvious contradiction. He shook is head, as if trying to clear out all the confusion.

"Would the next witness please…take the stand!" The Judge ordered. Nobody in the courtroom wanted to say it, but one thing was playing in their minds. _Why did the Judge pause_? The court was distracted by the arrival of a teenaged girl. She looked very innocent. Her auburn hair was tied into pigtails, and she had a plain lavender dress on.

"Witness, state your name and your occupation." Franziska said. The girl jumped at this sudden order.

"Umm… Jennifer Strastide. My occupation? I'm a high school student, though I do have a Saturday job at Tres Bien. I don't like the uniform though." Jennifer said shyly. Franziska nodded.

"Well, Miss Strastide, please start your testimony." The Judge said. Jennifer jumped once more.

"Umm… if you say so Mr. Judge!"

_Umm… I was walking through Expose Park._

_Then I heard a gunshot!_

_I turned around, and I…umm… saw that girl in the defendant's stand holding a gun!_

_I remember her in…umm… so much detail, down to the last strand of hair!_

_She…umm… grinned at me, waved, and then ran off, dropping the gun!_

_I didn't pick up the gun, because I was…umm… scared of it._

"Good girl. Now, please begin your cross-examination Mr. Wright." The Judge said. Phoenix nodded, and looked at the innocent girl in the witness stand.

_Umm… I was walking through Expose Park. _

_Then I heard a gunshot!_

_I turned around, and I…umm… saw that girl in the defendant's stand holding a gun!_

_I remember her in…umm…so much detail, down to the last strand of hair!_

"HOLD IT! Okay, Miss Strastide. Are you sure that you remember her in top-notch detail? If you are, then can you please tell me what the defendant was wearing? And add it to your testimony." Phoenix asked. Jennifer jumped, and then composed herself. She nodded.

_Umm… she was wearing jeans, a pink shirt, trainers and gloves that cover all of your hand._

"OBJECTION! Miss Strastide, you are mistaken." Phoenix said. Jennifer gasped.

"Really? How?" Jennifer asked. Phoenix held out the gun.

"Well, the defendant's fingerprints were on the gun! How would her fingerprints be on the gun, especially as it wasn't her gun in the first place! I'm willing to bet that the defendant's twin sister is the perpetrator!" Phoenix yelled. The court went into an uproar.

"Settle down, settle down! Mr. Wright, you may bring Miss Hayashi's twin sister in." The Judge agreed. Phoenix brought her in. She was the exact copy of Rena. Her eyes were the same shade of deep blue, and her hair was the same, down to the last strand of the chestnut hair.

"Sakura!" Rena cried out in surprise. Sakura ignored her.

"State your name, and your occupation." Franziska said, and whipped Phoenix for the fun of it.

"Sakura Hayashi. I'm a university student." Sakura introduced, looking thoroughly bored.

"Your testimony, please." The Judge said. Phoenix shook his head.

"No need. She's the killer." Phoenix said bluntly. The crowd murmured, and all eyes were on Sakura. The Judge was too busy polishing his gavel. Sakura gave a sinister smile, and spoke.

"Yes. I killed Sasha Hybrid. Why? Because she betrayed me. I gave her so much money, because she was my friend and I cared for her. I asked for the exact amount back though. She didn't return it. I asked her numerous times, and she promised that she'd return it to me last week. I never break a promise that I make to her, so why would she do it to me? I lent her so much money. A thousand pounds, to be exact. Before, I have done her homework for her, bought her dinner for her, bought her snacks when she was overly hungry, taken the blame for things she did wrong. I even protected her from a terrorist once. I got a massive cut down the side of my face. I hide it with my hair. After all that I've done for her, she couldn't pay me back. That money was for her job funds. Now she's downright rich. She lives in a mansion, has her own butler and everything. Sasha has millions, she told me. Yet she never paid me back." Sakura confessed, a single tear dancing around in her eye. She closed her eyes, and tears came silently cascading down her face. Rena looked very unhappy.

"Sakura…" Rena whispered. Sakura faced her twin.

"I-I'm sorry, Rena. What had happened to that strong bond that we had? I had been betrayed, yet I had betrayed you. I feel awful. I deserve the death penalty. I was going to let you suffer. Huh, letting the innocent suffer. Fat chance. I have always strived to uphold justice, yet what have I become? A killer. If I can avoid the death penalty, I shall fight for justice. I shall never let you go, Rena. Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?" Sakura said, staring at her sister, tears silently flowing down her pale skin. Sakura's eyes bore into Rena's. Rena broke down.

"Of course Sakura. I'll never let you suffer the death penalty." Rena cried, tears flowing down _her _face. The crowd was silent as they watched the twins.

"What's going on here?" The Judge asked, evidently confused. Everyone groaned, for the Judge had just ruined a heartfelt moment. Phoenix face palmed, and Franziska whipped the Judge. Sakura faced the Judge.

"I'm the killer, to put it simply." Sakura said boldly. The Judge's eyes widened quite drastically.

"Who-what-when-where-why? Who are you? What are you? Where are you? When are you?" The Judge asked, then collapsed. The crowd went into an uproar.

"Your Honour!" Phoenix and Franziska yelled, and ran to the Judge. He wasn't moving. Franziska even whipped him until her hand became tired, but he still wasn't moving. The forensics team came immediately, and so did the results.

"His Honour has died of a new cause. He has died of confusiositicidium. In simpler words, he died by too much confusion on his part."

**A/N- I might make this trial an actual fanfic! The Judge played a minor role in here, even though he's the one who dies! Anyway, tell me what you think in your reviews! Oh, and I have I got news for you! I'm thinking of doing a romance fanfic, but I'm stuck on which pairing to do. So I've created a poll on which pairing to do. Please check it out!**


	4. Double Death! Edgeworth and Oldbag

Miles Edgeworth was popular with the ladies, and he didn't like it one bit. There was one particular fangirl whom he detested above all others. Her name was Wendy Oldbag. Miles finds it hard to even say her name, he detests her that much. Why couldn't Oldbag chase Wright or something?

Miles mulled over his fangirl problem as he sipped his tea from his fancy tea set that he had seen advertised, and he had pestered Wright for it. Boy, did he love tea. He had loved it since his youth in the von Karma household. Tea was a wonderful thing. It calms the mind, calms the body and calms the soul. It could be strong, it could be weak. It could be sweet, it could be bland. Yep, Miles Edgeworth loved tea.

Suddenly the Steel Samurai theme tune rang throughout the office. Miles brushed his grey bangs out of his eyes in annoyance and answered his cell phone.

"Hey Edgeworth. What're you doing?" Phoenix asked happily. Edgeworth groaned inwardly. He believed that calls should only be made when you have something important to say, not just for general chitchat. But a tiny part of him was happy that he was called for general chitchat. It meant that he was valued as a friend, not just as a demon prosecutor. But he would never admit this to anyone.

"Nothing much, Wright. I was just sipping my tea and mulling over things. Is there a particular reason as to your call?" Edgeworth asked. Phoenix, on the other side of town, was having second thoughts about telling Edgeworth now. He wouldn't take it well. On second thoughts, he needed to know, and it would cause quite a funny reaction.

"You know that case we're on together? The one that was nicknamed 'Trick or Turnabout'? The murder that happened on Halloween where Candice Fleets was accused of murdering Richard Ploy? Well, I did some digging into the case, and came across a potential witness." Phoenix explained. Edgeworth was intrigued now. He hadn't been able to find a witness yet. He would have to scrutinize the witness's testimony well to see if the witness could be deemed worthy of being in court.

"Well? What is the witness's name?" Edgeworth asked impatiently.

"Wendy Oldbag…" Phoenix said nervously. Edgeworth wasn't sure if he heard right.

"Excuse me?" He asked.

"Wendy Oldbag."

Edgeworth did a double take, and gagged. _Not that windy old bag! Not her! Please, not her!_

"Very well Wright. I would like to see this… this… this witness… tomorrow at noon." Edgeworth said. He immediately regretted his words as his childhood friends uttered the fateful words "Okay, I'll make sure she arrive on time. Bye'. Edgeworth went over to the wall and banged his head against it. He was faintly reminded of his mentor, Manfred von Karma, when he did this.

Edgeworth paced the room stressfully, and his eyes wandered to a box underneath his elegant red sofa. He pondered whether to use it or not. _Desperate times call for desperate measures_.

He took the box out from its hiding place and blew all the dust off it. Franziska had given him this, incase he ever needed to blow himself up out of shame, she said. In reality it was because Edgeworth had always been curious as to how these deadly weapons were made. Franziska would never admit it, but she cared deeply for him.

Edgeworth opened the box and pulled out the manual.

"How to make your own scent detecting mini bomb. Right, okay. Step one…" Edgeworth mumbled, and started making his bomb for his excellent plan.

~_3_ _hours later_~

"Step 647, retrieve a sample of the scent you want the bomb to detect. Well that's easy." Edgeworth said. He went over to the windowsill and picked up a card addressed to him from a certain old hag. It was covered with the perfume that Oldbag wears, and the scent was still on it, even though he had retrieved the card over a year ago. Edgeworth stuffed it in the bomb, and felt a pang of regret when he did so. The Steel Samurai on the card didn't have to be blown up, it wasn't fair on the poor guy.

~_12 hours later_~

Edgeworth lifted up his mask to look proudly at his work.

"Ha, finally finished! She'll get a surprise when she comes here tomorrow! I'll just stuff it under the sofa, along with the kit." Edgeworh grinned, and looked at the clock. _Jeez, 1am already? I'd better get to sleep._

~_The next day, five minutes to noon_~

Edgeworth went over the plan again. _Right, okay. First, I'll have to bear Oldbag when she arrives. Second, I'll offer to make some tea (not in my fancy new tea set, of course), and ask her to sit down on the couch. Third, watch as my brilliant plan reaches its goal_.

Suddenly the Steel Samurai theme tune ran throughout the office, and Edgeworth smiled as he opened the door. There stood an old woman, blushing and bouncing excitedly on the spot.

"Hello Ms. Oldbag." Edgeworth greeted, a fake smile plastered on his face.

"Oh Edgey-poo! You've finally accepted me as your lover! My life has just become worthwhile!" Oldbag cooed, and made to hug Edgeworth. Edgeworth retched. Oh, the pain he had to go through. He swept his grey bangs out of his face in annoyance.

"Ms. Oldbag? Would you care to sit down whilst I make us some tea?" Edgeworth offered, a thin smile playing on his face. Oldbag shook her head and smiled.

"No, I think I want to spend some time with my lover first." Oldbag said, and hugged Edgeworth once more, rather violently. Edgeworth was being crushed by this woman, and he tried to free himself, but she wouldn't relent. She was practically killing him!

He made to go to the kitchenette, but Oldbag was hugging him so hard that he stumbled and fell near the couch. Oldbag hugged him harder still, until finally the magenta clad prosecutor became lifeless. It wasn't because of strangulation or choking, oh no. Edgeworth is too awesome for that, people can vouch for that. Why, only last week he was being strangled by someone calling him a demon prosecutor.

No, Miles Edgeworth died because of his only weakness. He died, because of one Wendy Oldbag.

Said woman noticed that her lover was dead, and just at that moment, she could hear a rumbling coming from under the sofa. She peered to see what was underneath, and was greeted by an explosion, which killed her.

But, even in death, Wendy Oldbag had her arms around Edgeworth, a blissful smile on her face, and Edgeworth was pushing her away, disgust clear on his face.

**A/N- A double death!**

**Yeah, I know. Edgeworth wouldn't kill anybody, he's too awesome! Even if it was Oldbag. I know Edgeworth was a bit OOC, but it's an AU, and it's supposed to be funny! Edgeworth acting like a bore waiting for Oldbag isn't exactly funny. **

**This chapter is dedicated to two people. *Drum roll* And here they are!**

**Supersexyghotmew95- Came up with the idea of Edgeworth dying by Oldbag**

**mangoesandoatmeal- Came up with the idea of Edgeworth planting a bomb, dying, and Oldbag dying next. Also, the tea set mentioned by Edgeworth is from their story known as 'Informercial'.**

**Thank you both! **

**Oh, and sorry for the EXTRA LONG gap in the updates! Sorry!**

**Reviews are welcome, and hopefully I'll update quickly! Oh, and I've made a poll on which pairing I should do for a romance story. Check it out, if you want. And sorry for the long author's note.**


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